Avatars

The representation or incarnation of something higher.

In most forums you can have a small image that is your "face" as a user, it makes it easier for others to remember you, and you can use this to display something significant about yourself.
This is called an avatar.
What does this come from?

Well, it REALLY means an incarnation of a god.

" The Avatara, or incarnation of Godhead, descends from the kingdom of God for [creating and maintaining the] material manifestation. And the particular form of the Personality of Godhead who so descends is called an incarnation, or Avatara. Such incarnations are situated in the spiritual world, the kingdom of God. When They descend to the material creation, They assume the name Avatara.

( Chaitanya-caritamrita 2.20.263 -264)"

Read more about the hindu origin of this word at: http://www.avatara.org/
Or http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avatar

Now, for my self I have chosen two basic themes of avatars, Albert Einstein (one of the people in history that I feel most connected to) and the powerful cat - the Tiger, my eastern astrological sign and an animal that I admire.
So far this is my Einsteins:

And these are the tigers:

I have made other avatars too, sometimes just for fun, sometimes for other people, but I will come back to that in another post.

Looking for some new ones?

Asterix (of Flashback) has a great collection: http://www.home.no/avatarbanken/index.htm
and a blog with avatars: http://avatarians.blogspot.com/
The thread on the English Flashback forum: http://forum.flashback.info/english/showthread.php?t=567

Supporter

That seems to be my role in life.

When people are having troubles, things they need to sort out, they turn to me. I am there, helping, comforting, supporting. I am the shoulder to cry on, the safe haven. The friend that don´t ask for anything.

When the good times return, when the good time friends return, then I am not needed, then I am forgotten. Then the smooth talkers are the ones they want to be with. The happy people, those that disappear when troubles comes. They are exciting, they are fun.

Then I am an embarresment. Then my friendship is worth nothing.

Unless they need my support again.

Maybe it is all very natural. Who wants to be reminded of the bad times? Who wants to think that they will need that support again. Why waste the good news, why share the happiness? They still know, I will be there when needed.

Maybe I am wrong. But, sometimes even the supporter needs support. And then there is none.

Yes, this is a gloomy thought, and one I woke up with this morning. Isn´t it fun to be me?

Games people play

I am a simple guy.

I say what I feel, mean what I say and am not afraid to apologize when I am wrong.
If someone wants my help I give it, with no thought of benefitting from it later.

If I have a problem with someone - I talk to that one about it.

I make no plans. I have no strategy. I don´t think about politics.

Because - I am simple. And I don´t know how to be anything else.

And at the end of the day - I am not sure that I want to.

Even if I lose.
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Links of interest:

"Dealing with manipulating people" by George K. Simon
http://www.rickross.com/reference/brainwashing/brainwashing11.html

"Manipulating people" by Chuck Gallozzi
http://www.personal-development.com/chuck/manipulation.htm

"How Mind Manipulation Is Used For Influence And Control" by Exit & Support Network
http://home.datawest.net/esn-recovery/artcls/mm_used.htm

Empty life

I really have nothing.

At this moment in my life - I have nothing to really keep me going. My parents are dead, my contact with my siblings are almost zero, my ex-girlfriends but one are lost, my last girlfriend is in another country, I have no estate and no fortune to manage but lots of debt, I work as a self-employed contracter with almost no contracts, for a company that is always lacking money.

I am entering my middle age, I am not good looking or exciting, I have very little success with women, the few that I manage to have a relationship with soon looses their interest. So, I am most likely to end up alone at the end.

So - why keep on going? Why not end it now?

I don´t know.

Maybe in a vain hope of a better day? Maybe because it is certain that death comes at the end anyway? Maybe because I am lazy or a coward? Maybe of concern about those poor buggers that have to take care of the body and the mess that I would create?

I have some interests that fills the day.

I moderate a forum, I adminster another one. And there are people there that I care about. People that I may even say that I love. Not romantically, more like a brother.

But, most likely, although they maybe would miss me for a few weeks, their life wouldn´t change without me. They would go on anyway. Perhaps they would feel relief that I no longer mess with their life? Another complication that they were too polite to remove themselves would be gone. Maybe I am not that important to them as as they are to me?

So, maybe it is all an illusion. The time and the emotions that I invest in that may be all for nothing anyway. I am probably just fooling myself.

I know that I am writing this at the middle of the night, at an hour called the wolf hour in some languages. A time when all the doubts and fears come and haunt you. So - probably I will feel different tomorrow. And this is just another ridiculous self pitying whining post from an insecure mind.

But maybe, it is not worth it.

Maybe.