The need to be needed

I have been thinking.

Yes, I know. It is a rare event, but it does happen.

Why are everybody so involved in work, doing charity, helping out in organisations, writing on the net, chatting, going to bars, gym, bingo whatever? I mean - why are we socializing?

Examples:

- Relationships. Yes, we do satisfy a sexual need, and yes it is practical to have someone to share your expenses - but why do we fall in love? Or rather, why do we stay in love?
It is not only to care for our young. And why do women stay with men mistreating them?

- Friendships. Why do we have these? Why does it hurt when they go wrong? Yes, we have use for people to back us up when we are in trouble, and it is fun to be with a group that understand you. But sometimes friends can become your worst enemy. They know which buttons to press, they know where they can hurt you.

The bonding factor I think is our need to be needed. This is one strong urge to keep the group together, an evolutionary trait that has been wired into us since long before we became humans.

This is why we stay in marriages that gone wrong and keep friends even if they mistreat us. Because, if we cut loose all those bits - we may end up with no one needing us.

And that is a terrible feeling. To be all alone, nobody asks after you, nobody greets you with a smile, nobody is keeping in touch.

On the other hand - with each bond you have, you have also limited your freedom. And people with too many relationships, too many people needing them can start to feel trapped.

Why is it that we are so fucked up?